Realization One

I’m gunna be honest with you all. 

 I’ve come to a realization that I can’t coincide with my fall. A broken verse with mismatched numbers, and lost choruses of spoken words, that I do not believe. Well I wish I didn’t believe. 

 Sometimes in life we want to be close, to feel bound to another’s presence, so we don’t have to feel alone when we leave. And other times we feel like our choice means nothing in our place in destiny's weave. 

 Well that’s been me. That is until I could see with this embodied me in the form of a broken shell. Crawling into a talking sea, from the beginning shore and the ringing bell. 

 I’ve been lost on a trail of glass, following a band of aimless quests in a world that’s a mess. Thinking back to the past where I was the last. Where did my heart go in this dense and thick miasma? I’m fixated on my last; fast-ing. 

 My love deprived existence. 

 And in my last moments, the dread filling my blind pain, my love is not my predicate, it is in the worth of my hope for others gain. 

 Believe me when I say I’m not miserable in life and I am alright. While I struggle, I understand why. You deserve my life. So, in my last moments of my past’s suicide I will learn to fly these heights. 

 Cause In the day I die, my angels won’t fall nor should they cry. You’re the angels in my life. That makes me smile and my skin cracks at the tips of my lips just thinking about that all the while. 

 And I don’t believe yet in a god, I know a devil I fight still with a failing will. But where my heart lies, he will not corrupt as you hold my peace of mind and my hope. 

 Cause in your shadows where you walk, a piece of my heart hides. So that I can support you with my lies. When you walk the earths grounds wise. I will be here even after I die. Remember my, lives. 

   You all hold the pieces of my heart; they were never mine. I am no empty vessel, but the fabrication of your drive. A vehicle in which i ride. So, I will continue to write my lines, while I watch you all thrive. But you deserve to know why, this realization I find. 

 This realization I’ve learned from a deep friend that I did not know I had inside. He told me “well I suppose this is my time to go, to return back to my home”. Words spoken to just me alone. 

 His last words as he turned away was, “well I suppose this is the end of what I write, this is my end line in the oceans tide. Don’t forget the color of your heart’s eyes” 

 This is the realization that you all are my hearts eyes. 

 Thank you for allowing my heart to endow you with my purpose in life. You are the pieces of my heart and my destiny's meaning. My why 

 The first of many of my realizations. 

 You all hold the pieces of my heart; they were never mine. I am no empty vessel, but the fabrication of your drive. A vehicle in which i ride. So, I will continue to write my lines, while I watch you all thrive. 

 Thank you for allowing my heart to endow you with my purpose in life. You are the pieces of my heart and my destiny's meaning. 

 The first of many of my realizations; Thank you. 

 And if you’re out there deep friend of mine, know I remember why you died. And I will keep the piece of your heart inside. 

 You were the first of my realizations why and I promised I wouldn’t cry, I love you.